Meet Michelle

In pediatrics they had a couple of "hospital bears", teddy bears who were "patients", I guess to keep the kids from feeling all alone. These bears had little johnnies, which fit me about as well as normal-sized johnnies fit normal-sized people. GregB had said, "at least they didn't try and make you wear one of those ridiculous gowns that tie in the back," but these didn't even tie, just had oversized snaps. By wearing two, one open in front and the other open in back, I was able to have a little bit of modesty.

Let me tell you what happened when my sister visited. Michelle is two and a half years younger than me. She's about 5'3", so she had been shorter than me, and so thin she almost looks anorexic, but it's natural for her. Aside from that and her lighter hair color we look enough alike that we are obviously sisters.

Michelle has a husband and has a nine-month old baby, but she came into my room alone. The story had already hit the news, so she knew what to expect, but it still must have been a bit of a shock. She came in, stared at me sitting in my bed. I knew her well enough to know what she was thinking.

"Okay," I said. "Go ahead and say it."

She said nothing for a long time. Then, as if plunging into an ice-cold pool, she blurted out, "I always wanted a little sister." She looked at me, to gauge my reaction. Relieved, she said, "okay, your turn."

"Congratulations, Michelle. Now your boobs are finally bigger than mine."

Yeah, we're sisters.

I got money!

I advertised on NYSILLY LINK FARM. They have this thing where you can win 50 dollars if you advertise, so I did. For a few penny I got about 20 clicks (if I'm reading it right) and I WON THE 50 DOLLARS!

Thank you, NYSilly's Link Farm.

Entrecard

I'm interrupting the story here to talk about Entrecard.

They're having this contest where they give away 5000 credits if you post the pro's and con's. Although, it's not really a contest if everyone wins, is it?

More info at http://entrecard.com/blog/?p=1593.

 Pros:

Well, it brought a lot of visitors to my blog. Over 3000.

I discovered some blogs I never would have known.

Cons:

Many of those visitors are there just to drop cards, not read my blog.

Dropping can be time-consuming, though that's really more by personal choice.

I visit many blogs that I otherwise wouldn't read.
Or is that a pro?

Tests

Ah, the hospital.

Believe it or not, St. Lennanon Hospital is not equipped to treat someone my size. But they tried.

First they brought in a pediatrics doctor. But I'm smaller than a baby. The world's smallest baby boy weighed 275 grams. I'm less than one-fourth of that.

So they brought in a veterinarian who specialized in exotic pets. Such as rats, mice, hamsters, and the like. Doctor Paolo (Paul) Coterrez.

Doctor Coterrez seemed to know what he was doing, as much as anyone could. He was young, and kind of cute, w/ long dark hair and large gentle brown eyes. The only thing really annoying was that he kept forgetting to talk to me. He talked about me to Lisa and to the other doctors and all, but I had to remind him constantly that I was A HUMAN BEING WHO IS ABLE TO TALK AND UNDERSTAND AND MAKE MY OWN DAMN DECISIONS!!

Actually, that wasn't the worst part. The worst was giving the urine and stool samples. I had to pee on a metal table, and they collected it w/ an eyedropper. They also tried to collect blood, using a very high gauge needle in my thigh, but they couldn't get as much as they wanted, even after several days.

They tested my sight and hearing. I already discussed how that one eye doctor freaked out, as if it were my fault that this happened, as if I did it deliberately as "an affront to God" (his words).

While I was getting tested Lisa contacted my parents, my sister Michelle, Thomas, and her agent.

I hadn't asked her to contact her agent. That was her own idea.

Hospital

"We gotta get you to the hospital, or something," Lisa said.

"No, I'm okay. I didn't… I'm not burned. I can breathe. It just went down the wrong way. I'm fine, now."

"No. Not that."

"Then what?"

Lisa looked at me. I was standing in her hand. I was soaked in coffee and my shorts were slipping again. "What?!" Lisa practically shouted. "In case you hadn't noticed, you're only six freaking inches tall! Maybe that's something you should get looked at!"

I wasn't sure if I should go, but I wasn't sure if I shouldn't. So we went.

The car trip was… different. I wore a seatbelt that covered my whole torso. I couldn't see out the windows.

Finally, we arrived. Lisa carried me in the emergency room. The nurse at the desk asked Lisa what brought her here. There was a security guard and a couple of other people who needed treatment nearby. Lisa held me out so I could be seen.

The expressions on everyone's faces almost made this whole thing worthwhile.

Whiplash

Continuing where I left off…

Lisa carried me to the kitchen. I realized I couldn't really go to work today, and asked her to call me in sick.

I jumped down, ran across the floor, one hand still holding up those stupid shorts. Lisa called and said, "I'm calling in for Debra Small. She can't come in today. She's under the table. Weather! The weather! I said the weather. She's under the… she isn't… she… she's sick. Okay, she'll be in tomorrow if she's bigger. Better! Damn it!"

Lisa's an actress, but she's better w/ a script. Really.

"Hey, Lisa! Can you get me some coffee?" She poured herself a cup and added a little soy milk, and, after a second's thought, spilled a few drops onto a small plate. I jumped easily to a chair and then to the table. I hate soy milk. I like cream and extra sugar. I lapped at it like a dog. I didn't yet realize about capillary action or that I'd need to break the liquid's surface tension first. An entire drop as big as my two fists together went down my throat, and lodged in my chest.

I couldn't breathe! I choked and tried to cough. Lisa picked me up, held me upside down by my feet, until most of the coffee came back out, in one drop. Luckily, the hot drop had cooled much quicker than a full cup would've, so I was not badly burned, just slightly scorched.

Okay, I'll admit it. The next few minutes were me crying and screaming and Lisa just standing awkwardly holding me in her hand not knowing what to do.

I'm Famous!!

I added a list on the side of sites that mention Small Problem. If you want me to include you, just let me know. E-mail me or leave a comment.